Here’s a rundown of how it went:

*     The show kicked with Fred Armisen doing Moammar Gadhafi, explaining to the U.N. that his speech earlier in the week was all messed up ’cause of jet lag.  Armisen generally makes me chuckle, so there’s that, but this was mostly lame.

*     New opening credits!  No Casey Wilson or Michaela Watkins anywhere to be found!

*     Megan Fox comes out and automatically struck me as seeming way more confident than I would have expected.  Too bad the writers stranded her with a dead-end sketch involving her assuming that even though she didn’t remember posing for all those nude photos of her on the internet, she must have … ’cause, you know, they’re on the internet, so they must be real.  She’s dumb; get it?  Lame.

*     Funny faux-commercial for Bladdivan, a drug that helps you conquer your fear of urinating in public.

*     Fox and Kristen Wiig — mmm, Kristen Wiig — play stewardesses who very calmly explain to passengers an increasingly terrible set of circumstances they are about to have to face.  It wasn’t as funny as that makes it sound, and usually, when the first post-monologue sketch is this lame, you know you’re in for a bumpy show.  Wiig gave it her all, though, and Fox did a decent job, too.

*     Will Forte plays a guy who’s gone to Russia and is bartering with Bill Hader over which Russian bride he wants to purchase.  His choices are Megan Fox and Fred Armisen … who is $10 cheaper.  This one was fairly amusing, mainly because all of the people in it not named Megan Fox are very, very funny.  But Fox was only called on to vamp, and she that quite well, so score for her, I guess.

*     A Digital Short in which Fox is on a date with an incredibly awkward Will Forte, playing a SWAT team commander (!) who has skipped work to go out with her.  Pretty funny, and I was actually mildly impressed by Fox’s ability to seem down-to-earth.  Is it possible that she could be a decent actress?

*     Kenan Thompson reprises his Grady Wilson infomercial character, this time hawking a DVD called Grady Wilson’s Burning Up the Bedsheets, another demonstration of ludicrous sex moves.  Fox shows up to help illustrate, and it’s another fairly amusing sketch.  Damn it, I just laughed at Kenan Thompson!

*     U2 comes out and performs a passable version of “Breathe.”  As usual, Bono seems mildly insane.

*     Weekend Update, mildly amusing.  Thompson shows up again, doing his Jean K. Jean bit; this character is one of THE worst in the SNL repertoire, and why anyone allows Thompson to do it is a mystery to me.  Flipside of that: Wiig ought to be required to do her Judy Grimes bit at least once a month.  Hilarious.   Mmmm, Kristen Wiig…

*     Fox doing an infomerical for live lounge, a phone sex line.  Mildly amusing at best.  The writers seem to have abandoned any attempts at giving Fox any actual comedy to perform; too bad, since in the stewardess sketch she seemed like she could actually pull it off.

*     U2 again, this time doing a good version of “Moment of Surrender.”  Bono does some freestyling, and does a decent job with it.

*     New cast member Jenny Slate, whom I find rather attractive, gets to debut a new character: Dawn, the host of Biker Chick Chat.  This is exactly what you’d think it would be, except not particularly funny.  It mainly consisted of Slate, Wiig, and Fox saying “frickin’ ” and “friggin’ ” a lot, except for the time Slate fluffed it and actually said “fuckin’ ” instead.  The look on her face as soon as she realized it was one of pure horror; it was kinda of adorable.  I hope she doesn’t get in too much trouble for it.

Video below:

*     Another Digital Short, this one featuring Andy Samberg showing up for a Movie Night date with Megan Fox at her apartment.  She introduces him to her roommate, Optimus, a fat guy wearing an Optimus Prime mask.  He “transforms,” which involves taking all of his clothes off except for the helmet.  Then Bumblebee shows up, and he transforms, too.  Not a classic, but amusing enough.

*     And now, another episode of Your Mom Talks to Megan Fox While You Get Ready!  It’s Wiig playing somebody’s mother, engaging in awkward mom-chat with Megan Fox while Fox’s friend is finishing dressing.  Amusing thanks to Wiig, who is currently one of this show’s real saving graces.

*     Fox outros, and just like Coldplay did last season, U2 gets to play part of another number.  It’s one of my favorites, “Ultraviolet (Light My Way)”!  Bono is swinging from the ceiling on the microphone cord!  NBC only broadcasts half of it!

Final thoughts

Not a particularly good season premiere, but I did chuckle a fair amount, and I come away frmo this having more respect for Megan Fox than I had when the show began.  In that sense, I guess it was a success for her.

Next week: Ryan Reynolds and Lady Gaga!

Well, another week, another wretched episode of Saturday Night Live.  Talking about how bad this show has become is about as timely as taking to the streets to champion integration, but that’s not stopping me from loading up on picket signs and Joan Baez songs.

The show begins with the standard political sketch, this time one in which Jason Sudeikis’s Joe Biden gets all buddy-buddy with Fred Armisen’s Barack Obama following the Prez’s return from Europe.  I enjoy how Sudeikis plays Biden as the world’s biggest d-bag, but there was nothing else to recommend in this sketch.

Then, host Zac Efron comes out and seems to be painfully uncomfortable.  The writers do not throw him a bone.  How did these monologues get so unrelentingly awful?  Are they being written by Jar Jar Binks?

Kristen Wiig and Michaela Watkins come on and do their Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb bit.  It hasn’t been funny one single time, and this does not break that losing streak, tough Wiig gives it her all.  Efron comes out to play Cody Gifford; he’s not funny, but then again, he never had a chance.  Armisen gets a chuckle playing Penny Marshall.

We next get a science fair skit with Wiig’s Gilly character.  Now, I love Kristen Wiig as much as the next 34-year-old pervert, or a lot, whichever is more, but I can’t imagine why anyone would find Gilly to be funny.  That’s coming from the guy who lurves the Target Lady skit.  Will Forte gets a couple of chuckles, that’s about it.  The writers utterly strand Efron yet again, and even worse, they put the odious Bobby Moynihan in the skit.  That guy has yet to make me laugh.

Next, a weird faux commerical with Sudeikis playing the head of a Direct Mail Marketing firm.  It’s satirical, I guess, but it’s not funny; it’s basically just saying, hey, we’re responsible for identity theft.  Ooh, good burn, SNL!

A mildly amusing sketch follows in which Andy Samberg and Efron play underage guys who are thrilled to get served in a bar.  Then, they notice there are ten-year-olds in the place.  A few laughs are milked from kiddies dropping shots into their beers, but the sketch goes absolutely nowhere, a frequent problem on this show.  Again, Efron is wasted!

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs come on.  They’re pretty good.  Karen O is hot, in my favorite kind of way, meaning that she’s a little bit ugly, knows it, and does not give even the tiniest shit that people might think that about her.  She’s makes me think about what it might have been like in the ’80s if Angelica Huston had been the lead singer of Siouxsie & The Banshees.  I should listen to this band more.

Weekend Update is usually good for a few laughs, and it’s true to form this week.  I still miss Amy Poehler, but whattaya gonna do?  They pull out a few good character bits, with the always-fun Hader/Armisen New Jersey Gay Couple making a long-overdue appearance.  Michaela Watkins, who is really growing on me, comes out to do her bit as Angie the movie blogger; she’s funny, especially when she freaks out over seeing Zac Efron.  Finally, we get the return of Jon Bovi, the Bon Jovi opposite band comprised of Sudeikis and Will Forte.  I’d laugh at them just for Forte’s mustache.  And really, that’s about all I laughed at this time; it’s a tired bit.

Then, there’s a High School Musical 4 skit, in which Efron returns to the school to let the next group of seniors know that people don’t sing and do choreographed dance numbers in college.  Efron looks like he’s gonna do a chowder-toss out of his throat through the entire thing, and again I have to put up with the cretinous Moynihan.

Next is a weird sketch in which Efron is going off to Germany to fight in WWII.  He’s leaving on a train, and girlfriend Casey Wilson runs alongside of him … even once the train picks up a shitload of speed.  This, predictably, goes nowhere, and only the talents of Casey Wilson save it from being downright embarrassing.  As it is, she elevates it to the level of mere suck.

Jason Sudeikis is directing a Jeno’s Pizza Rolls commerical with Samberg and Efron, with Armisen playing their mother.  “She” can’t deliver her line — “But I’m your mother!” — pleasantly, instead screaming and breaking things on every take.  Efron seriously looks as if he’s about to bolt from the set, call his agent, and fire him on the spot.

We get another Yeah Yeah Yeahs performance, of “Maps,” a song I actually knew already.  It’s pretty good, although it’s a song that essentially goes nowhere; I prefer to think they did this as a sly commentary on how most of the comedy bits have been going for the past few years.  Karen O continues to look a bit like the female lead from Prizzi’s Honor, but I kinda dig her.

Then, by God, right at the end, we finally get a decent sketch: Sudeikis playing Efron’s older brother, giving him advice for a big date.  He advises giving his girl a foot rub, and demonstrates how to do it on Efron.  This ends with Sudeikis toe-raping Efron with his mouth, and it’s actually kinda funny.  It’d seem weak on a good episode, but here, man, it’s like light shining down from heaven.

Poor Zac Efron.  He was given literally NOTHING funny to do on this show.  Worse, several of his skits involved him being humiliated in way or another, with Fred Armisen sloshing milk onto his shirt or Jason Sudeikis sucking his foot.  Not a high point for Efron’s career, and I suspect we’ll never see him on this show again.

I’m amazed by how shitty this show can be.  It isn’t always; the Alec Baldwin episode this season was good, as was Dwayne Johnson’s, not to mention the classic political stuff during the election season.  But this week’s was so bad, it makes me wonder how such awfulness can come from professional writers.

I’ll say this, the cast is great.  Except for Bobby Moynihan, whom I despise, they’re all actually quite good, and most of them are tremendous talents.  They should ALL jump ship while they still can, because this show can only drag them down unless drastic improvements are made.  I may miss Amy Pohler, but I damn sure don’t blame her.