Since November 2008, girls every where have been freaking out over vampires, Robert Pattinson, and the next installment of the saga: New Moon.  Although I never saw it in theaters, I finally got around to watching Twilight on DVD.  I love most vampire flicks, but I had my doubts about this one.  The DVD case actually reads “The most epic romance since Titanic”. Yikes!

But since I felt like the only female in the world who had not seen it, I decided to give it a try.  I will say right away that it was better than I expected.  Not a whole lot better, but better.  The one thing I could not help thinking after the movie was over, though – are these really vampires?  So now I’m sitting down to look at just how far from the path of classic lore these vampires stray, and to ask the question, “can they really call themselves vampires?”

The “vampires” of Twilight have their own set of rules.  They are in fact immortals, but they otherwise defy almost every rule that vampires have been working with since they first set undead foot onto the silver screen.  I’ll begin with sunlight.

Vampires have always been unable to go out in sunlight.  It kills them. Kills them dead.  The decision to depart from this fundamental trait is a questionable move.  Being unable to go out in sunlight is a pretty defining thing for vampires.  In Twilight, the vampires “sparkle” in direct sunlight, exposing the fact that they are not human.  You could reason out that “myth” has confused the fact that they should not be in sunlight, with they could not be in sunlight.  Although it is really not the same thing, this line of thinking at least makes it a more forgivable transgression.

Sure, Joss Whedon took liberties with direct sunlight in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but he didn’t change the principle.  Spike and Angel could dart around under blankets and sit in shadows, but the sun could still kill them.  The finale of “Trueblood” took its own liberties when their lead character Bill was able to ”come back” from being toasted to a crisp.  But the fact still remained that too much sunlight and he lit up like a marshmallow in a camping fire.  These other series are playing with the rules, but not throwing them out all together.

The fact that most vampires can’t go out in sunlight directly relates to their sleeping habits.  They cannot go out in the sun and this in turn sends them to their coffins to sleep the day away.  Then they emerge well rested and ready to prowl.  While I really don’t even want to get started on this whole sleeping thing, I feel like I must.

Yes, there are several animals in the world that get extremely little sleep.  Dolphins that only rest one half of their brain at a time while sleeping.  But these are characteristics found in nature, and we are dealing with mythological creatures.  Creatures of the night, that are established as sleeping during the day.  Sleep is, in part, a period of rest and relaxation, which hunters would need.  Sleep is also a time of repair and growth, which a vampire would probably need to digest blood.  There is really no logical reason for vampires not to sleep.

Vampires are powerful, both physically and mentally.  The Twilight vampires are super strong, just like in most vampire tales (like in the Whedon-verse, where it takes a slayer matched with equal strength to kill them).  So vampires with more strength and speed than humans are widely accepted.  But what about mental powers unique to each vampire?

Vampires have always had hypnotic powers.  This makes sense for a vampire.  It’s a power that comes with the territory.  They need to draw people in and bring them closer.  This is used to attract prey, or seduce a potential new vampire to carry on the line.  It is necessary for survival in every way.  But the Cullens introduce a smorgasbord of mental powers from mind-reading to seeing the future.  And that’s just in the movies.  Jasper Cullen can push feelings on to people, making them feel whatever he wants.  This is definitely outside the realm of necessity and I really don’t see the need to change things up (again).

Let’s focus on one thing Twilight got right: body temp.  In the movie, Edward is described as being cold to the touch.  This is classic vampire.  Vampires are cold to the touch because they are dead.  They would have the temperature, or lack there of, of a corpse.  So congrats to Twilight for getting one of a hundred things right.  I also enjoyed a 2 second clip of the “bad guys” as they walked to the baseball field.  There is a split second were they are “gliding”, which is very reminiscent of the old Christopher Lee days of black and white vampire films, where they “glided” more often than not.  So that was pretty cool.

The creation of vampires is a feature that has stayed fairly constant in stories.  As legend goes, a vampire can feed off of your blood until you are dead.  Vamps can also feed off you enough to leave you weak, keeping you as docile nourishment before eventually finishing you off.  There are several different takes on whether or not you can go back about a normal life afterwords. (And by the way, vampires bite you with fangs.  Something that these guys have none of.  Not permanent fangs, not retractable fangs, nothing.)  Lastly, a vampire can drain you mostly of your blood and let you drink from their blood, altering you from a human to a vampire.  Tadah!

A few different but similar variations have emerged here (kudos to “Trueblood” for keeping it classic).  Once again Twilight deviates from vampire canon here.  In Twilight, vampirism is passed more like a virus or poison.  Once bitten, nothing else has to happen for the transformation to take place (unless you are sucked dry).  The only way to avoid the change is to have the toxin sucked back out.  The whole virus/poison take on this is an approach normally reserved for zombies and werewolves.  This difference really bothers me.  However it works for the Twilight saga and not for me for the same reason.

Vampires are sexy, enticing creatures.  The act of making someone a vampire is a huge metaphor for sex.  The biting of the neck, the swapping of fluids and blood is all very sexual in nature.  Instead these vampires have reduced the whole thing down to little more than being bit by a rabid dog.  The reason this works for the movie is because there are a lot of themes about chastity and abstinence.  Edward doesn’t even want to kiss Bella because he’s afraid he will lose control.  The author of the book is Mormon and so the whole waiting-until-you’re-married-thing is part of the deal, even in a book about vampires.  From this perspective, the lack of sexuality in the process of turning someone into a vampire makes sense.  However, I really don’t like a sexless take on vampires.  What’s the point?!  Instead of neutering your vampires, why not pick another genre.

Lastly, how do you kill a vampire?  Why what an easy question!  You drive a stake threw their heart.  Sometimes the stake is silver, sometimes the vampire collapses into dust once staked.  But how do you kill a vampire from the Cullen family?  You tear them apart and burn them…. what!?  So the only way to kill them is to do something that only another vampire has the strength to do.  How convenient.  The movie also doesn’t mention classic vampire repellents such as garlic and holy water.  There was also no mention of having to be invited into someones home to enter it.

So to wrap up the comparison, here’s what the Twilight vampires have in common with the classics:

• Immortality
• Drink blood
• Cold / dead skin

And here’s what they don’t:

• No fangs
• Shine in the sunlight
• Excessive mental powers
• No sleeping
• Zombie/werewolf rules on transmission
• Can only be killed by being torn apart and burned

These new vampires do stray pretty far from accepted vampire lore.  Perhaps it is better to think of them as a new species of vampires.  But like it or not they do retain enough of the most basic vampire framework, that I would have to say that they still count as vampires.

Overall the movie itself was entertaining.  The love story lacked any real foundation (though I am told that the books flesh this part out).  Some of the special effects were laughable but the fight scenes were cool.  Edward Cullen is a self-loathing vampire, seemingly directly inspired by Angel of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and the eponymous spin-off.  Neither like feeding off humans or gettin’ busy with their girls.

The family dynamics were interesting and my favorite part of the movie.  It was also well directed and very well acted.  Will I watch it again? Sure.  Is it a good vampire movie? not really.  Is it a tear-jerking hart-pounding romance? No.  Will I see the sequel? Of course – Micheal Sheen is in it.

It is very, very tempting to say that it is not a vampire movie at all.  But like most things in the world of sci-fi and fantasy, different interpretations are part of the territory, if not a time honored tradition at this point.  I would say this is a perfectly enjoyable little film for any open-minded sci-fi/fantasy fan.

Sheen will be playing the role of Aro, an Italian vampire.

Directed by Chris Weitz, New Moon is scheduled to hit theatres on November 20.

Sebastian Faulks’ James Bond continuation novel, Devil May Care, has scored the Sainsbury’s Popular Fiction Award, while Stephanie Meyers’ Breaking Dawn took home the title of WHSmith Children’s Book of the Year.

Meyer was also nominated for the Borders Author of the Year.  She, along with some chap named Barack Obama, lost the award to Aravind Adiga.