Loaded Couch Potatoes

Ugh…  (1)  G-Force ($31.7 million, $8576 per screen):  God fucking damn, America, are you shitting me?

Now, I knew this movie was probably going to do decent business, but somehow, seeing the evidence of it there on the computer screen plain as day just makes it sting a bit worse.

I don’t want to be too offensive here, but G-Force is a movie engineered to sap dollars out of stupid people, and it looks like it worked.  Damn you Disney, why must you sometimes pander so?

(2)  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ($29.4 million, $6812 per screen, $221.2 million total):  The latest adventure at Hogwarts dropped a hefty 62% from its opening weekend.  To be clear that’s a 62% drop from a weekend that was already a bit disappointing (Half-Blood Prince made more on Wednesday and Thursday last week than it made on Friday through Sunday, which is more front-loaded than a blockbuster really ought to be).

Still, the movie is doing generally good business, and this week’s expansion onto IMAX screens might well provide a boost to the box office.  I’m going to say that this movie stalls out at around $275 million domestic, but the IMAX influx might prove me wrong.

(3)  The Ugly Truth ($27.6 million, $9579 per screen):  Check out that per-screen average if you want to really know how well this movie did.  And bear in mind that G-Force‘s receipts were bolstered by the 3D surcharge on many of its screens.

In other words, Katherine Heigl is now a genuinely bankable star, and her latest movie sold out on screens nationwide.  If Sony had been able to get this thing onto more screens, they might have had a #1 on their hands.

(4)  Orphan ($12.8 million, $4681 per screen):  For example: I bet exhibitors wish they could have given up some of Orphan‘s screens to The Ugly Truth.  The two films debuted on roughly the same number of screens, but the romcom did nearly a third more business.  Horror has been an iffy proposition this summer, and even during the spring, this would have been a weak debut.  Expect it to fade fast.

(5)  Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs ($8.4 million, $2548 per screen, $171.4 million total):  Down over 50% this weekend, the prehistoric critters tok a bit of a hammering by the tiny fists of the G-Force gang.  Christ, I hope I never have to write a sentence like that one again.

(6)  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen ($8.1 million, $2510 per screen, $379.2 million):  Once again reaping quite a few dollars from kids held back a grade and from people who wear sweatpants in public, Michael Bay and the ghettobots continue to steamroll through the history books.

(7)  The Hangover ($6.4 million, $2828 per screen, $247 million total):  The comedy that would not die didn’t die this weekend, either.  Down a mere 21%, the roofie-flavored laffer might well get a beating at Adam Sandler’s hands the next time I write this column.  But don’t bet too much on it.

(8)  The Proposal ($6.3 million, $2296 per screen, $140 million total):  The Ugly Truth didn’t hurt a bit, nope; in fact, The Proposal was down only 23% this weekend, which almost certainly means that it benefitted from all those sold-out screens for the Hiegl flick.

(9)  Public Enemies ($4.3 million, $1900 per screen, $88.2 million total):  Neither truly impressive nor truly unimpressive, the box-office on this one has just been kinda blah.

(10)  Bruno ($2.8 million, $1495 per screen, $56.6 million total):  Sacha Baron Cohen might well find his career damaged a bit off of the relative stench this movie has exuded.  The movie had a good opening day, and everything after that has been disappointing at best.

(12)  (500) Days of Summer:  Another good weekend for the indie darling, which averaged $19,244 on its 85 screens.  Still stands a decent shot at becoming a hit if Fox can find it some more screens.

Next weekend: Funny People and Aliens in the Attic.  And The Collector, for the none of you who care about that.

Now, normally, I’m vehemently anti-Sandler, but this time, he’s starring in a Judd Apatow-directed movie, so I’m sold.  I’ve got nothing against Sandler; it’s his movies I can’t fucking stand.  The box-office question is whether or not this movie is gimmicky enough for America’s comedic tastes.  I’m thinking not.  It’ll debut with a disappointing $23 million.

If Aliens in the Attic makes more than $10 million, I’ll vomit.