Loaded Couch Potatoes

Okay, so I’m in a mood to make a best-of/worst-of list, and I think I’ll satisfy that urge by ranking the Doctors from, duh, Doctor Who.  As always, worst to best.

Since this is sure to be controversial for any Whovian not named Honk Mahfah, let’s start off with something I’d hope we can all agree on.

That’s right, coming in in last place is the Doctor who ain’t a Doctor, but a Dr.  I’m referring to Peter Cushing, who portrayed a radically different version of the character in a couple of ’60s theatrical films, Dr. Who and the Daleks and Daleks: Invasion Earth 2150 A.D. Now, I’ve only seen the first of those, but based on it, I have no hesitation whatsoever in labelling Cushing’s THE worst Doctor.  Intent on (poorly) playing Dr. Who — yes, that is his actual name — as a feeble old man, Cushing is obviously going for some weird brand of eccentricity that not only isn’t the Doctor we know from the series, but isn’t a satisfying or interesting character in its own right.

But enough of that.  Let’s get to the real Doctors.

#10 — Eighth Doctor, Paul McGann

Obviously, there’s not an awful lot to go on with the Eighth Doctor, because he only had one two-hour movie for his entire run … and he wasn’t even in the entirety of that!

The Eigth Doctor has at least two qualities not apparently possessed by any of the other incarnations: he’s half human, and he’s entirely cool with the idea of snogging his companion.  Both of these are hotly contested issues within the kinds of social circles concerned with things such as the canonicity of McGann’s tv movie.  Me, I tend to be of two minds about them: on the one hand, these were probably intentional alterations to the character to try and make the (proposed) relaunch of the series both more relatable and sexier; on the other hand, I can easily reconcile them with existing Who canon by simply chalking both (the lie about being half-human and the slip-up of kissing Grace) up to quirks of the regeration process.

For the truly hardcore Whovian, there is an entire series of Eighth Doctor audio dramas (starring McGann and produced by Big Finish Productions in conjunction with the BBC) that help make the tenure of this briefest Doctor a bit more expansive.  I look forward to hearing those one of these days, but for the time being, all I’ve got to go on is the ’96 movie.

I’m going to find it useful to provide some quotations from the various Doctors’ Wikipedia pages, and here is one on the Eighth Doctor: “The Eighth Doctor, a Byronesque figure who is arguably the most human and romantic of all of his incarnations, encouraged those around him to seize life instead of withdrawing from it.  He also seemed to enjoy giving people hints of their own futures, probably to prod them into making the right decisions.  It is unclear if the Eighth Doctor’s knowledge of people’s futures comes from historical expertise, psychic power or precognitive ability.”  (Full article here.)

#9 — Fifth Doctor, Peter Davison

I can practically smell the gasoline on the torches of the Whovian villagers as they come to smoke me out and lynch me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the guy; I just don’t find myself at all engaged by his incarnation of the Doctor.  Maybe it’s that celery on his jacket; maybe it’s his abysmal taste in companions.  I dunno, I’m just not a big fan.

From Wikipedia: “The Fifth Doctor was far more vulnerable, sensitive and reserved than his previous incarnations, and would often react to situations rather than initiate them.  Unlike his more authoritative predecessors, he would treat his young companions as parts of a team, and would often willingly participate in situations under the leadership of someone else who had the strong command presence that he apparently lacked.  However, the Fifth Doctor’s boyish appearance, nervous energy and charm all hid the fact that he was a Time Lord of great age, compassion and experience.  This Doctor greatly abhorred violence and would often hesitate about taking matters into his own hands.  For the first time indecision weighed seriously on the character, and it had its consequences – yet this Doctor was also one of the most courageous of his incarnations.”  (Full article here.)

Maybe it’s that reservedness and timidity that don’t sit well with me in comparison to other Doctors.  But one of the great things about this character is that he doesn’t have to be — and shouldn’t be — played the same way by each actor who takes on the role.  As such, it seems likely that almost all of them will have a group of fans who whom he is THE Doctor.  Davison isn’t mine, but that’s okay; he needn’t be.

#8 — Seventh Doctor, Sylvester McCoy

I’ve only seen a handful of the Seventh Doctor’s stories, all from the show’s final season … and I hated them all.  In fact, not only did I hate the stories, I hated the Doctor in them, and I hated the way McCoy played him.

Why, then, isn’t he at the bottom of my list?

Two words: Big Finish.

I’ve become a definite Seventh Doctor fan through the few Big Finish audio dramas I’ve heard, some of which (The Sirens of Time, The Fearmonger, The Genocide Machine, and especially The Fires of Vulcan and The Shadow of the Scourge) star McCoy.

I don’t know if the television episodes of McCoy’s I’ve seen are a poor representation, or if his seasons of the show were a disaster in general, or if the Big Finish productions are simply that good, but somehow, while having the Seventh Doctor’s deceptively sad tones piped directly into my ears, I feel as if I’ve gotten a handle on the mixture of charm and callousness and, yes, alienness that I was probably supposed to be getting in, say, Ghost Light and The Curse of Fenric.

From Wikipedia: “The Seventh Doctor displayed perhaps the most profound change in attitude of any of the Time Lord’s personae, beginning as perhaps the most outwardly amiable and bumbling (to the extent of putting himself in danger but not at the cost of his overall great intelligence and benevolent intentions) and progressing into a driven, dark gamemaster whose plans to defeat his adversaries, both old and new, would play out across space and time.  He generally displayed an affable, curious, knowledgeable, easygoing, excitable and charming air.  However, as he began to choose his battles and keep a tighter grip on his secrets – from his plans to his very identity – he also presented more serious, contemplative, secretive, wistful and manipulative sides with undercurrents of mischief and authority, constantly giving the impression that there was more to him than met the eye. Concerned with the bigger picture, he would sometimes overlook the finer details and his planning, both pre-prepared and improvised, would sometimes have fatal results and consequences.  When he acted to end threats, it was usually a ruthless, destructive and final maneuver.  He was also not above hiding the truth from his friends and allies and using them in order to complete his schemes and gambits.”  (Full article here.)

#7 — Second Doctor, Patrick Troughton

From here on out, we’re talking about Doctors whom I do truly, fully like.  Of those, I suppose I like the Second Doctor the least.

Troughton was, however, magnificent in the role, and in some ways, I think he had the hardest job of any of the ten so far.  After all, he was the first one to not the be the First; he had to be his own character without managing to lose the audience the show had built up over its first several seasons.  He did so by retaining the air of distractedness William Hartnell often manifested in the role, and also occasionally summoned up Hartnell’s imperiousness … but otherwise, he made the role his own, and in so doing, freed the character to be interpreted in any number of ways.  Troughton is a bit like Roger Moore’s James Bond in that way, and like Moore, if he hadn’t been popular in the role, it would likely have killed the series.

From Wikipedia: “He has been nicknamed the ‘Cosmic Hobo^‘ as the impish Second Doctor appeared to be far more scruffy and child-like than his first incarnation.  Mercurial, clever, and always a few steps ahead of his enemies, at times he could be a calculating schemer who would not only manipulate people for the greater good but act like a bumbling fool in order to have others underestimate his true abilities .  But despite the bluster and tendency to panic when events got out of control, the Second Doctor always acted heroically and morally in his desire to help the oppressed.  More than any other perhaps, this incarnation of the Time Lord was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  (Full article here.)

#6 — Sixth Doctor, Colin Baker

I’m a bit surprised by how much I like Colin Baker’s Sixth Doctor.  His wardrobe alone was enough to convince me that I was going to hate him, but in actuality, I took to him from the first of his stories I saw, “Vengeance on Varos.”  Those episodes are dreadful, as are most of the other Sixth Doctor stories I’ve seen (“The Two Doctors” is a mild exception).  However, the Sixth Doctor’s bluster was amusing, and the rage that seemed always to be just under the surface was interesting.

As with the Seventh Doctor, I’ve become a bigger fan of Colin Baker’s incarnation through several Big Finish dramas.  The Sixth Doctor is especially good in The Marian Conspiracy and The Holy Terror, both of which are excellent.  I’ve heard only the first dozen-plus-a-few of the Big Finish line, and I look forward to hearing more.

From Wikipedia: “The Sixth Doctor was an unpredictable and somewhat petulant egoist, whose garish, multicoloured attire reflected his volatile personality.  He was both portentous and eloquent — even for any Doctor, of whom he saw himself as the finest incarnation yet — and his unpredictability was made even wilder by his mood swings, manic behaviour, bombastic outbursts and glib, unflappable wit.  His personality also displayed occasionally fatalistic overtones.  The Sixth Doctor was almost supremely confident in his abilities and did not suffer fools gladly; he sometimes seemed to endure Peri’s presence far more than he actually appreciated it, and his superiority complex applied to almost everyone he encountered.  His intellect could support his ego — for instance, the Sixth Doctor was the only one who was able to repair and operate the chameleon circuit within the TARDIS, allowing it to change shape to suit its surroundings rather than looking constantly like a police box (although the appropriateness of the TARDIS’s appearance to its environment was more-or-less nil) in Attack of the Cybermen.  However, not only did his melodramatic arrogance and caustic wit eventually subside, it actually hid the fact that he had a strong moral sense and a heart of gold (glimpsed in Revelation of the Daleks, in which he showed great compassion to a dying mutant).  Underneath his blustering exterior, he was more determined than ever in his universal battles against evil, possessed of a tenacity and a thirst to do what was right that was far more visible than ever before.  Despite his often unstable demeanour, he was always ready to act when necessary, and very little — even his companions — could hope to stand in his way.”  (Full article here.)

#5 — Ninth Doctor, Christopher Eccleston

In some ways, Christopher Eccleston will always be my favorite Doctor, because he’s My Doctor.  “My Doctor” is a Whovian way of saying that he’s the actor who, while in the role, made me a Doctor Who fan.  I’d seen the ’96 movie years earlier, but Eccleston earns the distinction of being My Doctor because it was his one season in the role that won me over.  When the revamped series began airing on the Sci-Fi Channel, I watched it only out of what I felt was an obligation to the genre; I try, generally, to at least give a chance to any new sci-fi series.

However, I wasn’t committed to it.  I’d DVRed the first episode and when I got home from work on the Friday night it had aired, I turned on the television, pressed play, and immediately went to the computer to check email, feeling that it would probably be good enough to just let this one play in the background.

However, when Eccleston started in on his first meaty dialogue scene, I stopped reading whatever I was reading and turned ’round, interested.  After a few minutes, I’d made the migration from the computer desk to my recliner, and that was that.

Eccleston is certainly one of the better actors to ever take on the role, and he’s one of only a few whose work I know a bit outside of Doctor Who.  Despite that, he’ll probably now forever be the Doctor to me.  He’s tough, haunted, funny, goofy, needy, and entirely capable (if not always immediately).  As much as I like David Tennant, I regret that Eccleston stuck around for such a short amount of time.

From Wikipedia: “The Doctor’s ninth incarnation was perhaps the most gritty, and informal, masking a lonely, guilt-ridden and melancholic personality with a jovial, witty, forthright and almost manic exterior.  Similar to the Fourth Doctor, he would often make jokes in the face of danger, but then become grim and serious when on his own.  Like the Sixth Doctor, he also tended to be fatalistic at times, to the point of near-panic when he and Rose were cornered in “The Unquiet Dead” and he realised that he was going to die (this despite the knowledge that he would probably just regenerate).  Despite being impatient with humans, whom he often referred to as ‘stupid apes’ — and Mickey receiving particular scorn and being dubbed ‘Mickey the Idiot’ — the Ninth Doctor was far more tactile with, and reliant upon, his human companions than previous incarnations.”  (Full article here.)

#4 — First Doctor, William Hartnell

I was tempted to nudge the First Doctor even farther up the list, quite frankly.  He is unquestionably one of my favorites.  His episodes have a sort of tone — mostly, but not entirely, due to the nonexistent budgets and the resultant ambitiousness/garishness — that none of the other Doctors’ episodes possess.

Hartnell, who was prone to line fluffing (the BBC apparently couldn’t afford retakes, or at least couldn’t always afford them), has a true imperiousness in the role that simultaneously makes him the most alien and the most aristocratic of the Doctors.  The only incarnation who could genuinely be called elderly, he also — unsurprisingly — gives off a genuine sense of a centuries-long life, and the wisdom, arrogance, distractedness, and disdain that would go with it.  He could be entirely sympathetic one moment, and entirely disinterested the next.

After getting hooked on the show through first Christopher Eccleston and then David Tennant, I decided to buy the DVDs of “An Unearthly Child” and “The Daleks” to see how the show had begun.  When I’d gotten a few minutes into “An Unearthly Child,” I was almost appalled by how stagey and cheap the show seemed.  But as soon as Hartnell showed up, I knew I was going to enjoy it, and I did.  He was undoubtedly an enormous part of the reason why the show is still around today; after all, if it had never caught on, it couldn’t very well have survived, now could, it, hm?

From Wikipedia:  “From the beginning, the First Doctor was a mysterious figure.  He appeared to be a frail old man, despite the eventual revelation that he was actually the youngest of the Doctor’s incarnations, and yet was possessed of unexpected reserves of strength and will.  (An early writers’ guide by script editor David Whitaker describes ‘Doctor Who’ [sic] as ‘frail-looking but wiry and tough as an old turkey’.)  He obviously held tremendous knowledge of scientific matters, and yet was unable to pilot his TARDIS time ship reliably; his granddaughter Susan explained this by saying that her grandfather was ‘a bit forgetful’.  He was abrasive, patronising, and cantankerous towards his human travelling companions, yet shared a deep emotional bond with his granddaughter Susan.  He also harboured a streak of ruthlessness, being willing to lie — and in one case attempt to kill — to achieve his goals. I nitially, he distrusted his first two human companions, Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright, who were forced on him.  Over time, however, as they shared adventures together, he grew closer to them, and the TARDIS crew came to share almost a family bond.”  (Full article here.)

An Honorable Mention goes to Richard Hurndall, who played the First Doctor in the mega-crossover event “The Five Doctors.”  He did so quite well in place of the decased Hartnell, and deserves credit for it.

#3 — Tenth Doctor, David Tennant

I’m a bit surprised to find myself ranking Tennant this low, but there you have it.

A lot of the credit for Doctor Who becoming a bit of a phenomenon again must be attributed directly to Tennant, who is not only a great, charismatic actor, but is also a truly geeked-out fan of the show, one who has promoted it tirelessly and will undoubtedly continue to do so for years to come.  (I definitely smell some “The Two Doctors”-style crossover appearances in Tennant’s future.)

As probably THE most eccentric of the Doctors to date, the Tenth might easily have been seen as little more than a hyper buffoon if Tennant wasn’t so good at playing more than one emotion simultaneously: you can sometimes see that his exuberance is a mask over his anguish, and you can at other times see that he even though he’s frowning, he’s not actually in much distress.  It’s a complicated, intricate performance that Tennant builds upon episode by episode, making it not necessarily crucial to see every episode in order, but certainly rewarding and informative to do so.  In terms of pure acting skill, Tennant may well be the best the series has yet seen.

From Wikipedia:  “The Tenth Doctor generally displays a light-hearted, talkative, easy-going, witty and cheeky manner, but combines this with a somewhat egocentric sense of unstoppability when facing his enemies.  He is perhaps as ruthless and dangerous as his seventh incarnation ever was, although much less inclined to complex schemes and set goals.  Like his past selves, he is critical of weapons, going as far as to describe people with guns as “the enemy” in “The Sontaran Stratagem”.  His strong personal sense of justice makes him quick to anger when he feels it is violated, as in “New Earth” when he learned of the plague farm run by the Sisters of Plenitude, and after Prime Minister Harriet Jones had given the order to destroy the retreating Sycorax ship, the Doctor warned her that he could “bring down” her government with six words.  Like the Seventh and Ninth Doctor, the Tenth sometimes uses a cheerful, energetic façade to mask inner emotions.  He has a tendency to babble, mixing apparent nonsense with vital information, sometimes acting erratically to put his enemies off guard like some of his earlier incarnations.  He can also be rude on occasion, and is not always aware of it, being prone to making comments that to outsiders seem obtuse or rude, sometimes to his own embarrassment.  He has a tendency to use technobabble to describe scientific concepts before substituting it with a simpler, analogous explanation.  Further to this, he tends to infantilise names and concepts — his description of non-linear temporal physics as “a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff” is perhaps the most well known example^. He is also able to rapidly switch between moods, from mania to anger to nonchalance and uses this as a form of reverse psychology on several occasions (“Fear Her”, “Love & Monsters” and “Army of Ghosts”).”  (Full article here.)

#2 — Third Doctor, Jon Pertwee

Man, I love me some Third Doctor.  Not like that, although I will say that he is the manliest of the Doctors, despite the cape and lisp.  You sense that if the Doctors all met up and had a boxing tournament, he’d probably be the champion.

He also drives a fine yellow car, has superior taste in companions (Liz Shaw, Jo Grant, and Sarah Jane Smith are all among the best of the entire series, to say nothing of the Brigadier), and is just sorta generally awesome.

The Doctor’s relationships with his female companions have varied greatly with each Doctor, of course, but I find Pertwee’s to be the most interesting.  Until (arguably) McGann, of course, it’s all in how you read it, but with the Third Doctor, he seems very much like a ladies’ man who is already several years past the point of realizing that he’s simply gotten too old to pursue the type of women to whom he is attracted.  If the First Doctor had a grandfatherly air with all of his companions, and the Second had an air of a favorite daffy uncle, the Third has what I would describe as an air of unstated and mostly repressed sexual desire.  That might be creepy, I guess, but I think it’s there, all right.

If you want proof, see the Doctor’s reaction to Jo’s departure in “The Green Death”; she decides to end her travels with the Doctor in favor of marrying a young professor, and if that’s not barely-stifled heartbreak on Pertwee’s face, then I don’t know what barely-stifled heartbreak looks like.

From Wikipedia: “The Third Doctor was a suave, authoritative man of action, who not only practiced Venusian Aikido, but enjoyed working on gadgets and riding all manner of vehicles, such as the Whomobile and his pride and joy, the canary-yellow vintage roadster nicknamed “Bessie” which featured such modifications as a remote control, dramatically increased speed capabilities and even inertial dampeners.  While this incarnation spent most of his time exiled on Earth, where he grudgingly worked as UNIT’s scientific advisor, he would occasionally be sent on covert missions by the Time Lords, where he would often act as a reluctant mediator.  Even though he developed a fondness for Earthlings with whom he worked , he would jump at any chance to return to the stars with the enthusiasm of a far younger man than himself.  If this Doctor had a somewhat patrician and authoritarian air, he was just as quick to criticise authority too—having little patience with self-inflated bureaucrats, parochially-narrow ministers, knee-jerk militarists or red tape in general.  His courageousness could easily turn to waspish indignation.  It is thus no surprise that a common catchphrase of his was “Now listen to me.” Despite his arrogance, the Third Doctor genuinely cared for his companions in a paternal fashion, and even held a thinly-veiled but grudging admiration for his nemesis, the Master, and for UNIT’s leader, Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, with whom he eventually became friends.  In general, this incarnation of the Doctor was more physically daring than the previous two, and was the first to attack an enemy physically if cornered (both of his previous incarnations would nearly always attempt to dodge, flee or negotiate rather than directly defend themselves).  This often took the form of quick strikes, with the occasional joint lock or throw – usually enough to get himself and anyone accompanying him out of immediate danger – but usually not to the extent of a brawl, in keeping with the Doctor’s non-violent nature.  He would only use his fighting skills if he had no alternative, and even then generally disarmed his opponents rather than knock them unconscious.”  (Full article here.)

#1 — Fourth Doctor, Tom Baker

The best of ‘em all, as far as I’m concerned.  Part of it is the voice, which is simply as good as a voice can be without a name ending in “Earl Jones.”  Baker also had a tremendous sense of humor in the role, one that — as with future incarnations — turn on a dime into contempt or dismay or outright intimidation.

To this day, Baker is probably, visually speaking, the most iconic of the Doctors, with that hat and scarf and nose and curly mess of hair.  Like the Third Doctor before him, of whom he certainly seems a direct descendant in some regards, he has an impeccable taste in companions (Sarah Jane, Leela, Romana), although he loses a few points for picking up Adric, Nyssa, and Tegan.

For the time being, at least, I think it is Tom Baker that all of the successive actors have had to try and live up to.  Only a couple of them have truly been up to the task, and it’s a ghost actors will be chasing for years to come.

From Wikipedia:  “More so than his previous incarnations, he is thrilled by discovery and adventure.  Galvanised by higher purpose, he is disarmingly loopy, brilliant and entirely serious, all at the same time.  To an extent, the Fourth Doctor is the most unpredictable of his incarnations, befuddling all with his intelligence, constantly leaving others wondering if they have his full attention and using his more off the wall mannerisms against adversaries to distract them while arranging to take control of the situation.  His keen judge of character also enables him to navigate his way through situations with new people, helping him to discern friend from foe.  Although like all his selves he prefers his brain over his brawn, he is a capable swordsman and wrestler, following on from the martial expertise of his immediate former self.  Despite his charm and offbeat humour, the Fourth Doctor is arguably more aloof and sombre than his previous incarnations.  He could become intensely brooding, serious and even callous, and would keenly scrutinise his surroundings even when playing the fool.  He could also be furious with those he saw as stupid, frivolous, misguided or evil.  When taking charge, he could be considered authoritative to the point of egocentricity, but as it is, he is usually the only one capable of solving the situations he finds himself in.”  (Full article here.)

At the end of the day, it is this fairly marvelous stable of lead actors that has probably been THE biggest contributing factor to the decades of success Doctor Who has enjoyed.  It currently shows no signs of abating, and come this time next year, we’ll have a fresh new Doctor to compare against the others.

I don’t know how Matt Smith is going to turn out, but he’s certainly got his work cut out for him.