Loaded Couch Potatoes

As if this past week’s disaster of a movie (not box-office mind you, but quality) wasn’t enough to quell America’s need to see Michael Bay blow shit up and, in essence, ruining an entire generation’s TV series and toy line, Bay has already begun doing press for his next projects, including yet another Transformers film.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, those of you that care. “Didn’t Michael Bay say he would never do another Transformers film?” And yes, you should be thinking that. Just last week, Bay was making statements that he wouldn’t touch another one, instead opting to go for a film with less explosions (which is like Johnny Depp saying he will never work with Tim Burton again; it just wouldn’t happen). Well, for a few days, it seemed like Bay was going to follow through on that statement. He signed on to produce and possible direct the first film in a series of books called I Am Number Four. The weirdest part? The book adaptation that Bay is attached to could be written by James Frey, the disgraced author of  A Million Little Pieces. I don’t know about you, but I highly doubt this one will be good for anyone involved.

But wait! It also appears that Bay is…looking forward to another Transformers? Well, apparently so. And for those of you that can’t believe it, you shouldn’t be surprised. Yeah, the new one is god-awful, but I dare you to ask any director whose new film almost beat The Dark Knight‘s five-day box office take if he wants to do another one; I can guaran-damn-tee you that, no matter what that director’s previous statement was, he will be itching to hop back in the saddle because he knows that the studio will be basicaly throwing more money at him to make another smash hit. His thoughts on the next one? Well, it seems that he wants to see more of Ramon Rodriguez, AKA “Sam’s Sidekick/Roommate”, in the next film. I don’t know about you, but wasn’t he used enough in this one? He was probably one of the most annoying characters in the film, aside from the “ghettobots”, and it would have been better suited for someone who could, you know, actually pull off that role (I’m looking at you, Jonah Hill)

Whatever Bay decides to do over the next two years is sure to end up being quite successful, no matter how shitty it will be. And America as a whole will just eat it up. And then this country will plunge further into stupidity, to the point where we won’t even know what those moving pictures on the screen even symbolize. And you know who we will have to thank for that? Michael Bay.