Loaded Couch Potatoes

The Hangover spends a second consecutive weekend at the number one spot, barely staving off a blockbuster opening by Eddie Murphy’s Imagine That.

To find out which part of that is bullshit, keep reading.

(1)  The Hangover ($33.4 million, $9960 per screen, $105.3 million total):  Dropping a mere 26% from its excellent debut weekend, the Vegas-themed comedy is opening cans of whoop-ass every day.  Box-office analysts — the amateur ones (like me!), at least — tend to be a bit myopic, paying attention only to weekend numbers.  Anybody doing that would have missed the fact that after its opening weekend, The Hangover grossed just under $27 million from Monday through Thursday; word of mouth was strong, and so were ticket sales.  You’d have to be a retard to think this wasn’t going to translate into a phenomenal second weekend.  The movie’ll have no trouble whatsoever hitting $200 million; I’d wager that the film’s key creative personnel both in front of and behind the camera are going to be getting big raises … as will everyone at Warner Bros. responsible for greenlighting and marketing the movie.

(2)  Up ($30.5 million, $7853 per screen, $187.1 million total):  Everybody at Pixar deserves a raise too … but Christ, when haven’t they?  Speaking of solid weekday totals, Up brought in nearly $19.5 million between last weekend and this one.  The movie is on pace to be Pixar’s biggest hit since The Incredibles, and it’s got a shot at topping even that one.

(3)  The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 ($25 million, $8133 per screen):  The box-office allure of both Denzel Washington and John Travolta has sometimes been overestimated; the truth is, neither of those guys has ever been a name that would drive a truly blockbuster opening.  What they both have done is been fairly consistent at at least getting people to notice their movies.  And that’s basically what happened here: nothing grand or notable, but big enough that in a few year’s time, people will still be at least aware that such a movie exists.  If that seems like an uninteresting way to describe it, well, you’re probably right, but that don’t make me wrong.

(4)  Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian ($9.6 million, $2853 per screen, $143.4 million total):  Down only 34% this week, the sequel has done fairly well for itself after a somewhat disappointing opening.  Unquestionably hurt by Up, I wonder if it’s begun to benefit from sold-out shows of Pixar’s hit?  Possibly.  I doubt we’ll see a third film in this franchise, but if we do, I’ll betcha it opens at Christmastime.

(5)  Land of the Lost ($9.1 million, $2590 per screen, $34.9 million total):  The Will Ferrell flick dropped 51% this weekend, which isn’t great … but I’ve seen far worse.  Can it be that people who saw it last weekend didn’t hate it quite as much as I predicted they would?  I don’t know, but it now appears that the movie will at least be able to make it to the $50 million mark.  It’s still a bit of a hemorrhoid for Universal … just maybe not a bleeding one.

(6)  Imagine That ($5.7 million, $1895 per screen):  No, the Bleeding Hemorrhoid award for the week goes to Eddie Murphy, who has opened his second straight comedy beneath $6 million.  And I use the word “opened” loosely.  Come to think of it, I use the word “straight” loosely, too.  This guy’s career as a leading man is all but finished.  I’m sure there’ll be another sequel to The Nutty Professor or even Beverly Hills Cop to aim at reclaiming his place in people’s wallets, but if whatever that comeback role is fails, then Murphy is well advised to hang on for dear life to the check he’ll be getting for Shrek 4.

(7)  Star Trek ($5.6 million, $2123 per screen, $232 million total):  Down 32% this weekend, Star Trek continues to hold well.  It’s going to be a hard road to $250 million, but the Enterprise might yet make it.

(8)  Terminator Salvation ($4.6 million, $1772 per screen, $113.8 million total):  One weekend to go before Transformers opens and makes more in five days than this movie will make in its entire run.  Poor McG; all that bluster, wasted.  I don’t feel sorry for the guy, though, partly because he made a weak movie, but also because that weak movie is doing much better business elsewhere in the world than it is doing here in America.  Its international total is up to $165.5 million; if it can manage to double that, then I’d be willing to call it a hit.

(9)  Angels & Demons ($4.2 million, $1724 per screen, $123.3 million total):  Angels & Demons, on the other hand, is definitely a hit.  It’s up to $315 million internationally, which is pretty darn good.  It’s been an underperformer stateside, but in this instance, it doesn’t much matter.

(10)  Drag Me to Hell ($3.8 million, $1700 per screen, $35.1 million total):  If you are a horror movie fan and you haven’t been to see this movie, then go fuck yourself.  Some of the pure shit you were willing to shell out for, and you won’t support a genuinely good horror movie?  Yep.  You should go fuck yourself.

(14)  Away We Go:  The Sam Mendes dramedy expanded to 45 theatres, and averaged $12,311 per.  That’s not spectacular, but it’ll probably warrant further expansion and result in the movie being added to a lot of Netflix queues.

(20)  Moon:  Sam Rockwell’s sci-fi flick debuted on eight screens and averaged $18,125 per.  Please see the second sentence of the Away We Go results.

Opening next weekend: The Proposal and Year One.

The Proposal had a sneak preview this past Saturday night, and played to 88% capacity, according to Variety.  That probably means the movie is going to be a hit; I’m a-gonna say … $29 million opening.

Year One may be lucky to earn half that.  I’ve been wrong before — shocking, I know — but I don’t get the sense that anyone wants to see this movie.  Jack Black and Michael Cera will pull in a few hipsters while they’re not busy ironing their t-shirts and Febrezing their cabbies, but I’m guessing the rest of the country is going to be entirely unmoved.  Also, the hipsters will still be busy seeing The Hangover.  I’m going to say $11 million for Year One.